Stephen Colbert Was ‘Like an Alien’ Before He Was Famous, Louis C.K. Says

A Portrait of the Host as a Quirky Kid

Louis C. K. scolded Jimmy Fallon last week for a pretty “dumb thing” he said on “The Tonight Show.” (Mr. Fallon seemed to be saying, over and over, that napping wasn’t a form of sleeping.) This week Louis C. K. aimed his playful scorn at Stephen Colbert. He said the “Late Show” host was just a weird, nerdy kid when the two worked together on “The Dana Carvey Show” years ago.

LOUIS C. K.: Now you’re Stephen Colbert. You’re king of the late night now. You’re a big shot. That’s right, you’re No. 1. You’re the top of the charts. But at the time, you were just this very weird-looking dude, and you had this — you were like, ‘Hi!’ Like you were ——

COLBERT: I was socialized, is what you mean.

LOUIS C. K.: No, you were like an alien who studied human behavior, and got close but didn’t quite get there.

COLBERT: You’re describing a sociopath. Like I could murder you and my heart rate wouldn’t go up.

LOUIS C. K.: No, no, I think you’re the next version of human.

Louis C. K. told the audience what it was like casting both Steve Carell and Mr. Colbert on the “Carvey” show.

LOUIS C. K.: We talked about ‘the Steves.’ That’s what we talked about. And you were a funny pair; you were a weird, funny pair. He looked like every man, and you looked like no people.

COLBERT: I’m trying hard to make this feel like a compliment!

LOUIS C. K.: No, it really is! It is.

COLBERT: I look like no one?

LOUIS C. K.: You’re a remarkable person. You’re just unusual.

COLBERT: Well, we have a clip here ——

LOUIS C. K.: A freak. Yeah, go ahead. That was mean on purpose.

Is Kushner a Little Overworked?

Trevor Noah pointed out that President Trump has been relying more and more on his son-in-law, Jared Kushner. He’s tasked him with overseeing Middle East policy, responding to the country’s opioid epidemic and reforming the criminal justice system, as well as coordinating the visit this week by Xi Jinping, the Chinese president.

“That is so much stuff that there’s no way Kushner isn’t going to get it all mixed up. I predict he’s just going to start messing the things up. He’ll be like, ‘Mr. President, uh, I sent the black people to Iraq, and I’ve imprisoned all of our veterans, and I injected the Chinese president with opium and, oh, ISIS is coming to Mar-a-Lago. It’s all mixed up!’” — TREVOR NOAH

Some analysts are saying Mr. Trump favors Mr. Kushner because of his loyalty more than his skill set.

“Oh, look at that. It looks like Donald Trump has a blind trust after all.” — TREVOR NOAH

The Punchiest Punchlines

“This week, the National Archives reached out to the White House and requested that all of the president’s tweets be saved and preserved for history. Future generations, I’m so, so sorry. These tweets will be saved for ‘historical value.’ And they’ll be filed under ‘impeachment evidence.’” — JAMES CORDEN

“Earlier today, Donald Trump addressed a group of builders’ unions, and to prove he was a builder, he spent a lot of the speech building up his ego.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

Louis C.K. kept up his habit of keeping it entirely real with late-show hosts. Credit CBS

Comedian Louis C.K. calls Trump a 'lying sack of s---'

Comedian Louis C.K. tore into President Trump, accusing him of being the the type of liar who “likes” to lie.

In an interview with Stephen Colbert on Tuesday night's episode of "Late Show," C.K. ranted about various types of liars. The show tweeted out a clip with the caption "Tune in tonight to hear #LouisCK explain what type of liar our President is."

"Someones people lie — 'That guy lied, they found out he lied.' Then there’s somebody who lies because they can’t quite stay inside the boundaries of truth," he began.

"Then you have a liar, somebody who it’s almost like a problem, they lie a lot."

"Then you have a lying sack of shit,” he said to applause from the audience, referring to the president. "That’s somebody who just they just lie, they like it — he likes it. He goes, ‘Heh heh, it wasn’t even true. Wasn’t even true. Then I said, 'They were liars.' "
"It’s just insane. It’s just gross. He’s just a gross, crooked, dirty, rotten, lying sack of shit,” the comedian said.

Colbert pointed to someone in his audience: “Louis, there’s a guy who voted for him up there."

C.K. said it was the voters who were the "victims of the lying."

"Look if you voted, that’s the guy he lied to," he said. "He didn’t lie to me. He lied to him. He didn’t lie to me. Everybody else was like, ‘Yeah, no, that’s not true.' But that guy bought it."

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